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What Does Being Indian-American Mean to Us?

Hey Everyone! We know it's been a long time since our last post but Neha and I are trying to come back. For this post, we both answered the question, "What does being Indian-American Mean to us?" We hope you enjoy.


Kanmani’s Response:


Being Indian American meant…


Growing up not knowing where I belonged. Wanting to be white to bridge the gap between my classmates and I.

Getting asked what the bindi placed on my head meant every single day of school.

Wanting to change my name to Samantha at the age of 7 so people wouldn’t stumble over the nuances of my name.

Eating with my hands at home, and eating with a fork at school.

Hiding that I did Bharatanatyam (Indian Classical dance) for nearly a decade and only being open about it when I became 14.

Arguing with my parents about Tamil School, and asking if I REALLY had to keep going.

That my Indian American friends were my safe haven because no one else understood.


Being Indian American means…


That I appreciate my vibrant culture.

That I feel at home both in India and America.

That I joyously experience both worlds.

That I am secure in my identity.


But being Indian American also means…


Feeling a disconnect from my extended family despite calling them every week.

All my feelings contrast one another in a way which confuses those who aren’t Indian American.

Fearing that I don’t know the language well enough to pass it on to my children, that yet again there will be a disconnect between parent and child, the way there is with mine.


Being Indian American is

Always longing to be more, and hoping that people will see you for more than being brown.

That they’ll see more to you and stop mocking the way you try hard at school, or the coconut oil in your hair, or the curry you eat that your mom lovingly made.


Being Indian American is wishing …


That everyone around you knew the traditions and history behind your culture and your actions so you didn't have to explain yourself constantly.

Listening to your family telling you to shut up when you make jokes about white people, because you live in Trump’s America.


Being Indian American is fearing that just your existence offends others, and trying to thrive in spite of it.




Neha’s Response:


As a first-generation American Indian, I can confirm that it is hard to embrace your culture in America. It's difficult to embrace your culture in an environment where you are constantly judged. Growing up, I noticed the differences between me and my classmates. The food my mom packed me was not the same food that the other kids would bring. I would get comments about how the food I was bringing was “smelly."I felt so ashamed I immediately made my mom make more American-style dishes. I started to slowly lose my culture as the years went by. I never applied coconut oil to my hair because my peers would tell me it smelled weird. I never spoke Tamil (my language) in public because it was not as romanticized the way French and other European languages were. Every time my mom would ask me to wear Indian clothes I would throw tantrums because I was embarrassed. I forced myself to be more Americanized so I would fit in. When my family started packing for our India trip I got nervous. I did not speak Tamil as well as I used to. Every time I would try to speak in Tamil it would sound white-washed. At this point, I was having an identity crisis. I am too white-washed to be Indian and I am too “Indian” to be fully American. My nervousness was all gone as soon as the hot Chennai air hit my skin. When my family greeted me, I expected them to make fun of me for my accent, which they did, but the love they showed me overpowered all their jokes. I felt at home for the first time. I always had a negative connotation towards India because of my own self-hatred. That was the first India trip where I saw the true beauty of India. India's beauty is the people, the different languages, and the amazing culture. When I returned from India to America, my identity crisis continued. I was confused, If I started wearing Indian clothes and spoke more Tamil would I automatically be cultured? I started embracing my culture more but I still felt out of touch. It was not until quarantine where I understood why. I thought being less American would make me more Indian. My Tamil side will always be a part of me. I do not have to act “more Indian” for me to be cultured. Just being yourself is enough whether you choose to embrace your culture or not. It is always a part of you.








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